I have almost always felt a call into full-time ministry. And as I've mentioned elsewhere, this calling has been a source of struggle over the years. Not in the sense that I do not want to go into ministry, because I do. Rather, for years I have felt like I was in a perpetual preparation phase. I have been preparing for ministry through my Bachelor's degree, internships, and now as I work through my Master's degree. I have recently realized that I have entered into a new phase, or at least a time of transition between phases.
You see, it used to be that I was never content with what I was doing. Maybe this was simply a character flaw, but I was always yearning for something more. Recently I realized, that for the first time in a long time, I am content. Which is incredibly ironic considering my wife and I are in one of the most uncertain times in our lives.
Yet, I have peace. Despite not being in full-time ministry, I feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment like I have never felt before. And this is all while I am "preparing" for ministry. I sometimes feel guilty that I am content because I have this fear that I will get complacent and slip farther and farther away from my calling.
Am I where God wants me to be? If so, why do I feel guilty for not being in ministry? Is it time to reevaluate my calling, or is God taking me on the scenic route to where He wants me to be?
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